The Morning After

It's midnight
and I'm remembering what it felt like
to lie next to your warmth
how we slept but were still awake
and we tasted love for the first time 
losing sobriety with each intake
and when morning comes I'm writing this moment into my skin
but you go home and wash it away like it was a sin--
I thought it was sincere. 
It's been almost two years and all I hear is that
like Peter Pan you aren't ready to grow up
so I step aside and let you hide me behind
closed doors and bed sheets
becoming your best kept secret.
Why are you so ashamed of me?
I let you crawl up into my darkest crevice
I bet that's what scared you the most
that underneath this beautiful smile lies a broken soul
but I didn't need you to fix me.
I just needed you to love me unconditionally.
You are the most dominant piece of poetry
that lives on my blank sheets
but I'm starting to realize that my perfume is not the only one
lingering on your bed sheets.
You tell me it's none of my business
that when you're fucking me it's all about me
and no one else in that moment
but I don't want to sleep next to you
when your body is reeking of other women
I don't want to be another one of your patients that your blessin
because I don't deserve it
but my cries have fallen on deaf ears.
Could you see your reflection in my fallen tears,
how you once stood erect in my mind
but the only erection I could now get
is the one that just adds me to your list.
I don't want it.
I don't want it because there is no respect.
How could you disrespect me and expect me to
lie with you in yall's ecstasy
where ours used to lie too.
Although I love you you've made the butterflies in my stomach 
that used to flutter at your touch poisonous
and I'm throwing up all of the memories of us
and burying them in poems like this one.
The next time morning comes and you finally wake up,
I'll be gone.