Sleep doesn't even belong to me anymore--
it belongs to us, or more so you than me.
Conversations now only exist beyond the real world every night,
climbing into bed alone in silence only to somehow find myself in you again
but then waking up to you being so far away--physically and emotionally.
I feel like I've just seen you, heard you laugh, felt your touch
only to realize that those moments are just figments of my subconscious.
You're not even real, and yet I wake and find myself missing you
or being upset over something you've said.
Whatever happened to sleep belonging to me?
Displaying my deepest desires, showing me what to make of my circumstances...
Are you now over-powering my desires and my circumstances?
You have way too much control over my mind, my feelings;
I can't stop thinking.
I can't stop feeling
Nothing seems to belong to me anymore.
Now the one moment I find peace you somehow meet me there--
whether it be a smile or a scowl.
Either I dread sleep or I look forward to it, it doesn't matter.
All roads lead right back to you.
I used to love sleeping,
escaping from my harsh reality into what seemed like perfection.
But now when I think I'm escaping my reality,
it's there in my dreams, slyly smiling in my face.
Dear Readers,
I've made it a point to walk on the grass whenever I'm walking around campus. Not only have I noticed that it has cut my traveling time to and from classes down significantly, I simply love how the grass feels under my feet. Today, I walked through some grass and passed under this big tree. For that brief moment, I was taken back to the spring and summer months I had spent so much time under trees in the park with a friend, talking and laughing as if no time existed. I found something poetic about it but couldn't find the right words to create a poem, so I'm writing this. It was during that time I was able to connect so deeply with this friend, where many of my heart-felt poems were born, and where I've realized marked a significant change in my life. I just felt like sharing since I haven't found anything to write.
Have any of you been writing? Share with me if you'd like!
--Jay
Readers, hello!
As you all know, I just started my second year of college, and in these last two weeks, I have been ridiculously busy! I haven't really had any down time to really write, although something potentially may be in the works (stay tuned!). It feels like I haven't even been here for two weeks; it feels much longer! I've been having so much fun, and my suitemates are just dolls! Shout out to them (hey y'all!). It seems as though my second year is going to be much, much better than my first, and I am so excited for it!
Go ahead and reread some of your old favorites; I know that's what I'll do once I finally get a chance to sit and relax. Also, I love doing Poet/Artist Spotlights, so please don't hesitate to email me or text me (if you have my number) and ask me to feature your piece. Don't feel intimidated either; I love supporting other artists and their work.
XOXO,
Jay
"How do you know that you love me?" he asked, not because he didn't believe she did, but because he was genuinely curious.
She giggled, tugging at a loose stitching in her pants. After some time, she finally said: "You know how in The Giver Jonas sees the color red for the first time, and he's, like, really excited? That's how it is every single time I see you. You bring a certain calmness to my spirit. You're always with me wherever I go. It's like when you wake up on the first day of Spring and smell the Spring air coming through your window." She turned to him and smile. "If that doesn't make sense, then just accept that I just do. There's no explanation or logic when it comes to love."
Hi, Readers!
I've realized that these mini letters I write to you also are very helpful to me. Not all the time poetry is satisfying; sometimes just writing down what I'm thinking is more therapeutic. I hope that you all are writing as well. People always ask me, "Jada, is this a poem? Is this good?" And my answer is always the same: there is no real way of writing poetry. People try to analyze whether a piece of writing is or isn't poetry, but I feel like those kinds of restrictions limit the individual. If you are just starting out, just write. That's what I did. Don't worry about stanzas, lines, syllables, etc. Just write whatever is in your head, and if a metaphor is what is in your head, then write it. Eventually you can learn about all the different types of poetry and try them, but don't limit yourself.
I went off on a tangent, but the reason I'm writing this is because I've been stressed out about beginning a new year in college, friendships, and just life in general. As I mentioned before, I'll be turning 20 in a few months, and for me, that marks a brand new beginning. So when I leave for school on Saturday, that's when it will begin. So I let go of whatever fears I've been harboring and just decided that I will just live. I will make school work for me and not the other way around, the people who are in my life right now and have made it with me this far are supposed to be here (and I am forever grateful for all of you, you know who you are!), and I'm about to start a brand new decade of my life. I'm very sensitive about my relationships with the people around me, and I care about maintaining a healthy friendship with them. But for those who have stuck by me and put up with me, you are truly special to me and have a place in my heart always. No matter how far apart we go, I know we'll always come right back as if no time has passed.
I am so excited about this new journey! No more negativity, no more stress, no more sadness, and no more sad poems hopefully, too!
Que sera, sera!
Jay
This is a man's world...
This is a man's world--but it wouldn't be nothing without a woman.
A woman.
Woman finds herself deep in love with man, invested in man,
losing herself trying to love him so he will love her at the same magnitude.
Woman will do anything to keep her man, so she gives him all of her being, allowing him to suck life out of her.
Woman can't even remember who she is without her man.
And man becomes so accustomed to woman asking nothing of him--he can't be changed.
Then woman finds herself stuck...and unhappy,
because she loves her man.
Woman will drown in her own tears before she walks out on man,
losing her mind, going half-crazy, letting him dominate the essence of her being.
This can't be woman...
So what does it mean to be woman?
Aimes-toi--love yourself.
Love yourself enough to know you deserve better.
Understand that your kind of love is special.
Find your inner beauty when you stare at your reflection, turn your scars into art, stories.
Loving yourself also means respecting yourself.
Respect your mind and your body for they are sacred.
Know thyself.
Know who you are, what you want, where you stand, so that you'll never lower your standards for one-night stands and five minutes of insane pleasure.
Know that you will never need a man to fulfill you, his only job is to complement what is already established so he can never ever break you or make you feel broken.
Walk with grace, elegance.
Stand tall.
Dress with class.
Speak with intelligence.
Build your empire.
So when you finally see your reflection you can say,
I am woman.
Scratch that--
I am Queen.
Hi, Readers!
August so far has been very eventful for my blog. I know I say this all the time, but thank you so much for reading and sharing my writing. I've received so many kind words from family, friends, extended friends, etc. It only encourages me to write more, and I am very grateful for all of the support.
Sooo....I'm turning 20 in exactly 5 months (tomorrow), and this is a big deal for me. I'm thinking of some kind of writing project to do in honor of turning 20. I'm thinking maybe 20 odes to 20 people I've met all the way up until this point, or 20 poems about different moments in my life that have impacted me and shaped me into who I will be on the 22nd of January. Whatever it is, I'm really looking forward to it! In the days leading up to my birthday, I will be posting it.
Much Love,
Jay
