I Dreamed of Poetry

Last night I dreamed of poetry
Of lines running past each other
Like two ships passing in the night
For that small window of time
They were all each other had
Oars beating against the current
In the depths of my chest
I woke up in a panic
Running my hands over my bed
And then my body
I was missing something
My mind kept trying to wonder
And I knew if I weren't careful enough
It would lose itself again
And I'd have to spend another week
Trying to finding it among the rubble
That had piled up inside
So I tried to think about my dream about poetry
And how disturbingly calm it made me
So I filled my glass half-empty
And melted into the overwhelming vastness
Of the white paper
Because I learned that we should never
Regret loving in permanent ink
But what can be more permanent
Than tattooed scars?

Once Upon A Dream

I used to dream of midnights in Paris
a large bay window overlooking the Seine River
lying in white bed sheets staring at the city lights
and of course my Black King and I
basking in the sanctity of our love
We would be magic.

Now I dream of dark alleyways 
and tainted bed sheets of betrayal
I am but a beggar in rain
asking for my things back
glaring into his eyes
as he smiles into hers.

At First Sight

I looked at him the way one looks at art--
first taken aback, then mesmerized
by his lines in his bare back
and the way his deep brown skin glistened
as the sun kissed him
the way I wanted to--
soft and gentle
he was my kind of poetry
the kind you read over chai tea and milk
on a rainy Sunday afternoon
the kind that tugs at your soul
and you lose yourself for a moment
I wanted to stay lost in him
for as long as I could
He was a beautiful masterpiece.

Homeless

she wanders down the middle of the one-way
too disoriented to pay attention to traffic
                                   yet focused
feet bare and covered in sporadic spots of blood
half           scattered black dress
like her broken heart

rain pours but she is unbothered
even if she cannot see
her heart knows where to go
they say, carry ya drunk tail home, girl
                                   she's too involved to notice

she begins to hum a series of anharmonic tunes
her arms and legs eventually joining in on this
uncoordinated          dance
is this good enough for you yet, love?
she calls to no one
she's not even sure if it's the rain or her own tears now
                                  she never wanted to play the fool

but he found her in an alley
licking her wounds from a previous beating
and nursed her good enough to love her
          good enough to love me?

now she can't find her way home
it was the last place he held her
                                and said, I love you.

Runaway

as soon as I pass the threshold
my knees press hard and deep into dirt and rocks

hands clasped together
shivering violently

God I don't know how to pray
but please get him away from me

his chip is still on my shoulder
his stench still strong in my nostrils

I can hear his memory calling my name behind me
and I'm trembling off of my knees

and into a run
tears flowing like rivers again

I'm trying to keep my head above the waters
but I feel him growing closer and closer

my natural instinct is to turn to him and embrace him
run into his arms like a child to its mother

because they were the only things
that once made me feel safe

but my ribs are still bruised from the last lashings
and if he touches them I swear they'll fall apart

I keep running
but he's always just a step behind me

Gone Girl

barefooted black girl
                       nappy hair in disarray

tears falling down the paths of predecessors

                       brown dress torn against bruised skin
chasing little boys down

                       dirt path roads
dust staining her black skin

                       chasing daddy

though he's long gone
                       ma's been crying for her to come back home

her grandmothers' prayers howling in the wind

Lord please guide her
                       back home

you poor girl

                      poor little brokenhearted black girl
these little boys can't love you

                       you poor girl
daddy should've taught you

                        what love is supposed to be

Romance

What ever happened to Romance?
The sweet dance in dim light to jazz musicians
His rhythmic, steady sway sending shivers down my spine
A sip of Roscato wine as he stares into my eyes
Undressing my mind and not my red dress this time
Do you mind? he would say
Extends his hand to mine and whisks me away into the night
We would explore the city's nightlife 
With palms clasped like praying hands
Praying that this isn't another fall from grace
Preying on only laughter and smiles 
He barely brushes his lips against my right cheek
His fingers lightly resting on the small of my back
Aimlessly guiding me through the beginning spaces of his heart
Showing me his artistic lines and poetic melodies 
His honesty is almost overwhelming
I would almost be foolish to not give this a chance
This is, after all, a first taste of Romance
He would then take my hand and twirl me in the street
And if it rains--
Even better
May I have this last dance? he would say
I throw my head back
And laugh into the rain

My First Love

To my first "love"--
If you thought this poem was going to be about you
You are sadly mistaken
This is for my first real love
Who made me fall in love with words and language
Whose metaphors send shivers down my spine
He introduced me to the essence of synecdoche and metonymy 
His rhythm makes me dance indefinitely
His cadence forcing me to catch my breath frequently
Infinite snaps to you, baby
And when his lines are harmonious
I swear I am on cloud nine
Getting off of that high is the last thing on my mind
Staring into his melancholy eyes
Allows me to see the world in a new light
He defies all of which I have ever known
Breaking rules that I've learned for years in school
Some see his madness as a delusion
I'd rather say that is exactly what he is acknowledging 
About this dry-ass reality
He is often misunderstood
His words often misconstrued
But I am infatuated by them
When he speaks to me
I am easily romanced by them 
Or easily confused
And I wonder if the way he speaks to me
Has made other hearts fall in love with him just as easily
I try to read between his lines
Dissect his stanzas
Look beyond his melodic phrases
Because real eyes realize real lies
His paradoxes are what stump me the most
The irony of them makes me wonder
And when wonder becomes questions 
Become assumptions become accusations
Becomes distrust becomes having had enough
He sweet talks me once again
And I fall in love with him once again
This is for you, my love
This, is for Poetry.

Confessions of a Sleepaholic

Sleep doesn't even belong to me anymore--
it belongs to us, or more so you than me.
Conversations now only exist beyond the real world every night,
climbing into bed alone in silence only to somehow find myself in you again
but then waking up to you being so far away--physically and emotionally.
I feel like I've just seen you, heard you laugh, felt your touch
only to realize that those moments are just figments of my subconscious.
You're not even real, and yet I wake and find myself missing you
or being upset over something you've said.
Whatever happened to sleep belonging to me?
Displaying my deepest desires, showing me what to make of my circumstances...
Are you now over-powering my desires and my circumstances?
You have way too much control over my mind, my feelings;
I can't stop thinking.
I can't stop feeling
Nothing seems to belong to me anymore.
Now the one moment I find peace you somehow meet me there--
whether it be a smile or a scowl.
Either I dread sleep or I look forward to it, it doesn't matter.
All roads lead right back to you.
I used to love sleeping,
escaping from my harsh reality into what seemed like perfection.
But now when I think I'm escaping my reality,
it's there in my dreams, slyly smiling in my face.

"How do you know that you love me?"

"How do you know that you love me?" he asked, not because he didn't believe she did, but because he was genuinely curious. 

She giggled, tugging at a loose stitching in her pants. After some time, she finally said: "You know how in The Giver Jonas sees the color red for the first time, and he's, like, really excited? That's how it is every single time I see you. You bring a certain calmness to my spirit. You're always with me wherever I go. It's like when you wake up on the first day of Spring and smell the Spring air coming through your window." She turned to him and smile. "If that doesn't make sense, then just accept that I just do. There's no explanation or logic when it comes to love."

Coffee Shop Blues

We meet at our usual spot again--
completely secluded from the rest of the world.
And time.
We fill up each other's mugs with laughter,
toast to carefree evenings,
drink the day away,
get high off of nostalgia,
sit in silence and stare in each other's eyes.
I'm afraid to admit that I'm falling more and more in love with you
so when you ask why I'm staring I shake my head
and take another sip,
turning my attention to the spilled reflection of the sunset into the lake.
How beautiful.
I do mean you too.
We wrap ourselves up into each other and kiss away bad yesterdays
for this moment here is all that really matters.
When it's closing time, I'm simply overwhelmed with sadness
that time wouldn't permit us another cup.

Can't we always live in this world and just call it ours?

Haunted

When night comes and nothing but the soft, evening breeze fills my ears,
I can hear him coming.
I avert my eyes away from the door--
I know he is standing there.
Please, I plead, just go.
He doesn't say a word but continues to just--stand there. Waiting.
If I pretend he isn't there and fall asleep somehow he will enter my dreams and I'm awake again.
Other times he'll lie right next to me and then I can't sleep.
One night I asked him, What do you want from me? and he unpacked all of which I had stored away--
and I wept. Hysterically. Quietly. 
How could you be so cruel? To me?
He won't leave, and I don't know how to make him stay away.
But every night.
Every. 
Single.
Night.
He's there.
At my door.
Waiting.
I don't know what to do with him. Would you like an invitation to bother my spirit some more?
To interrupt my mind once again?
To cause more damage and then leave?
Nothing.
No response. 
During the day he's gone and I can finally sleep.
But I dread nighttime because I know
he'll be here once again.

Last Poem (Lyrics Medley)

I don't think I could keep writing you into poetry anymore...you've lost the privilege to have such recognition. And my heart wishes it hadn't come to this. I've been writing to resurrect you to no avail.

I'm so tired of all the love wounds.
Loving you is like running, like I'm chasing down a loving and there's no finish line in sight.
I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for you even though you didn't ask me to just to make you feel my love.
I would have rather gone through storms with you 
than be enamored of someone else
but my heart can't take any more of you and I'm simply just getting used to you no longer being here.
I let my heart take its chances just to be loved by you 
but now you're gone and I'm missing you when I really shouldn't have to...why do you choose to be incapable of loving me too?

I remember when you filled my heart with joy
I was so mesmerized by the shape of your eyes and the bass in your laugh and the way you saw me, I've been lost in you...you don't see me anymore.
You've so easily set me aside. I've come to the dark realization that I can never touch you again when I had to ask for permission to place my hand on your cheek...someone else has been there, too, it seems.
And I've cried.
I have lain in soaked bed sheets for over a year, hoping they'd create tracks to help you find your way back to me.
My heart and my mind have been in constant battle
It kills me to know how much I really love you and you play it so cool, I can't tell anymore if you love me still.
You said you 'd always be there for me and that things would be okay...I waited for you, but you never showed. 

I've taken everything that is you and your poems too and buried them deep deep inside of me because I've given up this fight so when night comes I'll slip away so that I'll just be a dream you remember when you wake up in the morning but then will eventually forget. 

You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye.

(Featuring lyrics from: Adele, Eric Benet, Anthony Hamilton, Jennifer Hudson, Melanie Fiona, Me'shell NdegeOcello, and A Great Big World.)

The Ugly Truth

The little girl inside of me used to believe in Disney
that there was a Prince Charming for her too
and he will love her in all of her glory.
What Disney didn't tell her about love
is how much pain it can cause.

So I told her, If I ever (ever fall) in love again
I'll tread the waters with such caution
so that I'll never ever drown again.

But everything changed when our eyes met.

I didn't realize how deeply I had fallen in them
until I couldn't remember what your singing to me sounded like
and the way the corners of your mouth curled up into a smile.
Now I'm standing on the other side of a love song.
Nights have turned into late-night cravings for your touch
and I worry I am asking for too much.
Our connection has been weakening 
as someone else places their hand upon your arm.

Where had we gone so wrong?

She lies next to me on drenched bed sheets
and I'm trying to tell her that I'm sorry,
I promise her that I will do better,
that I should have done more to protect her
unintentionally exposing her to your imperfections.
Our hearts are crying out to you
wondering why you cannot hear us.
Constantly waking to our worst nightmare
realizing that you are no longer there.

I don't know what will give me the strength
to make me just walk away
because the only answers my prayers have been given
are of a stranger I refuse to believe in.
Or have you been fooling me?
Playing with my heart, taking me for granted?

You still make my heart beat.
But you are slowly killing me.

I cannot blame Disney for not telling her the ugly truth
because she's simply too young to understand
that fairytales and mankind just don't go hand-in-hand.

Flashback Friday: Finding Girl: Synthesis of Dark Phrases by Ntozake Shange

This poem is about two years old. At the time, I had fallen absolutely in love with the movie, For Colored Girls. I know a lot of people cannot watch that movie because it is so much to take in, but I watched it because of the poetry. I researched for days on who was the writer behind these beautiful pieces and discovered that it was Ntozake Shange. I immediately begged my mother to take me to Barnes & Noble, and I purchased her chorepoem, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf. I was so captivated by the language and the stories of the characters that I took it upon myself to memorize some of the poetry in the movie (the one I got down-packed was Loretta Devine's towards the end!). I decided to write a poem incorporating lines from one of hers. I plan on doing some sort of reprise of this really soon! Enjoy!

“dark phrases of womanhood, of never havin been a girl”
i am black woman, who has seen the darkest of dark times
times woman can only see
“half-notes scattered, without rhythm/no tune”
my body used and thrown away
my love tampered with, my mind gone
i am all but whole
pieces of me stolen
my song now a distant melody
my ears strain to hear my broken music
“distraught laughter fallin over a black girl’s shoulder”
my sanity now gone
but i smile in their faces
the woman cannot be weak
especially if her skin is of the night sky
“it’s funny/it’s hysterical the melody-less-ness of her dance”
and they laugh at the way i move
the graceful swifts of my arms
contradicting the quick impulsive steps of my short legs
i dance this way for My Love has become nothing
but a contradiction
“don’t tell nobody don’t tell a soul”
the secret rendezvous i’ve had with My Love
deprived me of the little pride i had left
the temptation to proclaim my love was silenced
and now
“i can’t hear anything but maddening screams
and the soft strains of death”
i had given all of myself
in return for the death of my being
i saw my contradictory Love after my demise
wondering why i wasn’t recognizable
“you promised me, you promised somebody/anybody, sing a black girl’s song”
sing me my song, i told My Love
“sing her rhythms, caring/struggle/hard times, sing her song of life”
I am black woman who has seen the darkest of dark times
inflicted upon me
by the Love that had stolen my black girl’s song
“she’s been dead so long, closed in silence so long
she doesn’t know the sound of her own voice, her infinite beauty”
a new sound escapes from me
my own voice 
my inner black girl
“let her be born”
“let her be born and handled warmly”
i give her life

And forever she will live

Let Me Love You Down

Let me love you down
in all that is poetic
from the inscriptions upon your cheeks
to the curves of you feet
Let me bask in all of your ambiance
and lose myself in finding your inner you
I promise to never cause you any pain
Let's escape to some unknown place
and we could fold a thousand paper cranes
so that we will eternally be
intertwined in young love 
and watch it grow old and ripen
It will be the sweetest thing we have ever known. 

Lost in Translation

You know just what to say and just what to do
to get me right back to loving you
And every time I muster enough strength to love you again
you're out of my life
for days at a time
And just when I've almost forgotten what your voice sounds like
here you are again
as if no time has passed
And foolishly I play along because
I've convinced myself that Love is what brings you home--
Maybe I've misunderstood that term of endearment
You get the best of me every time 
either way.

The Good Times

Cheers to late night car rides through the park
getting high off of paranoia
inhaling your sweet talk because
a drunk man never tells tales.

Cheers to early Saturday mornings
becoming one with nature
forgetting conversation
laughing away the lashes of the night before.

Cheers to 9am cuddles and kisses
admiring each other's masterpieces
unaware of the existence of time
and leaving behind a gentleman's kiss.

Cheers to never-ending summer nights
where no one else exists
never-ending dances in the streets
and last-first kisses.

Love Story (Haikus)

Intertwined hearts of
too young souls caught up in a
grown-up act, naive

What was at stake was
unknown, so oblivious
to how life would change

Living in moments
Drinking away the time and
tasting each other

Laughter falling off 
her bruised shoulders, his smile hints
his fondness of her

Time does not exist
as they lay intertwined in
hearts of too young souls

Divinity in Haikus

In divinest sense
his soul is the purest thing.
I must have a taste.

Trace my inner thigh
with subliminal language
and not with hard lust.

See me as goddess.
Worship what the naked eye
Has failed at seeing.

I see you as god.
Your eyes are my morning sun
A beautiful sight.

How you stand so proud
and majestic in movement.
I am mesmerized.

Let us reign as one
In the name of all that is
Sacred, pure, and true.