This is how my 20's are going so far

At midnight, I rang in my 20th birthday three mugs of wine past delirious and waited until 2am for a phone call I never got. By then the bottle was empty and I fell asleep with eyes spilling over like a glass too full in wet sheets cursing what's his face. The wine was for me to evade this familiar darkness I carried in my chest but that night it just grew and laughed in my face. Nobody knew I was depressed. That even when I was laughing and playing, my heart was a cracked levee ready to burst at any moment. That late at night it invited itself into my bed and cradled me and even when I asked politely to have sleep it didn't go away. That when I undress in front of a mirror and try to force feed my mind and make it swallow that reflection, it throws it back up and says, This is why he is with someone else. That I wake up in the mornings and have panic attacks about not finding something, anything to do because it will occupy my idle body, strap me to my bed, and torture me with several rounds of shocks of memory I shouldn't have seen in the first place. That my smile is a band-aid I wear over scars that it continues to pick at as they try to heal. That everyday I feel like jumping out of my bones because I can't take the consistent aching that runs from my legs all the way up through my heart and into my mind. All because somebody broke my little heart and people say that we all experience heartbreak but it was the way he did it. Web MD says abuse is one of the factors of depression. That was the first time I named what he was doing to me.