Monologue

Where have you gone now?

It's been...far too long since we've last spoken.
I can't even remember how my name sounds when you speak.
You have become a dream I am trying to remember, your face is so clouded in my mind,
I don't know anymore if our interactions really happened because you come and go like a swing
At the highest point where I'm frozen in the air
I try to savor every single word you say, the rise in your chest as I lean against you, the look in your eyes,
because before I know it I'll be coming back down again,
we will be bidding our farewells,
and I will watch as you leave in the distance,
wondering when I'll feel you again.

Are you even real anymore?

Your laughter used to ring in my ears at night 
and your singing is what lulled me right to sleep.
But those sounds are childhood memories that I try so hard to recall.
I call you and get no response
and I wonder if you were just part of my imagination
manifested to take me away from my dark reality,
lying under stars by train tracks and losing track of time.
Maybe I've forced myself to believe that you existed, 
like a child and her imaginary friend who only appears at playtime...but I don't want to play...
so maybe that's why you don't come around anymore.

Did you ever really love me?
Did you?

I used to believe in you like people believe in shooting stars
but the only difference for me would be that I'd stare into your eyes
and you'd tell me, "I really love you." 
And you would stay. You would stay.
But I guess you are a shooting star after all because
you came into my life so quickly and you're leaving just the same,
right when I've accepted that I love you.
When you opened your hand to me and I placed mine into it,
I thought that this journey would be one we would endure--together.
But lately I've been wandering down this road for so long
And I'm tired--
I am so tired.
And I can't find you anywhere.
Anywhere.

Why won't you stay with me?
Because...I just want to be enough for you. 
This is so real to me...please don't let me bear this alone.
Come out from wherever you are
and I'll hold your hand and never let go.
I'll have your back as long as you have mine.

But do you still love me?
Do you?